365

365 ONE: day 360…UGH Moment

Day 360: January 2nd, 2012 = COMPLETE!!!!!

Cardio was = Walking

Dance of the Day was = TV commercials and show music

Improvised Acting Video I uploaded to my other blog was = “Treacle Pudding in a Can”

Anything to Note =

What do you get when you mix snot with teeny nostrils???

A super miserable crying little baby 😦

Alexaki has had a cold for ages! And now I’m getting worried for our plane trip that’s coming up. I asked the doctor today if there was anything else we could do other than what we are currently doing – saline solution, sucking it out with a nasal gadget, and having him in the bathroom after a shower to breathe in the steam – but she unfortunately said that there was really nothing else that could be added to the list because he’s too young and fragile.

The poor little monkey 😦

Young and fragile….that sounds so cute!

I forget just how young and fragile he is…and that he is mine!!

Although in the crying fits he has, I take over and bounce him around while saying things to calm him down, and he does…he calms down. Stuart says that he just needs his mummy…and in those moments I realize for a split second that I am his mummy. Something I have calms him down – my voice, my heartbeat, my smell…he recognizes me.

It’s reassuring to be able to calm him from a crying fit but still freaky to think that he is mine and forever! And seriously not a toy!

When will me thinking Alexaki is a wind up toy end??

Denial denial denial. Or it hasn’t sunk in yet…a pattern along the way!

The pregnancy was denial.

The pain in my 33 hours of labour however WAS EFFING REAL!!!

The baby is not real.

The constant waking in the night and sleeplessness IS REAL! Whether I associate it with having a son and being a mother, I’m not so sure…but I can admit that each time Alexaki doesn’t settle and he starts crying in the middle of the night, it is a heart sinking moment. An UGH moment. It sounds harsh, but since I don’t sleep I really feel it when I’ve just dozed for a second and the noises start…I do, I feel that UGH moment.

It passes when I see my little boy.

But it’s there. And it makes me feel guilty that it’s there. Am I not supposed to feel like everything is flowers and rabbits and puppies and rainbows?? A world full of pretty??

Perhaps if I didn’t always feel sick 😦 Perhaps if I could get some sleep in there somehow!

Everything is a world full of pretty when he is asleep in my arms….so young and fragile.

I can’t believe I am responsible for raising another human being!! What an enormous job!! Who trusted me with that????!!!!



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