Operation 365 Poem: day 32…SJB: The Man of the Hour

SJB: The Man of the Hour

S tuart John Burgess
T he minecraft player
U nbelievably ate fish and chips
A s his wife was in agonizing labour
R est assured he was still timing
T he contractions with his phone

J ust as one was starting
O ver he rushed so she wasn’t alone
H owever his mouth was full
N ibbling away as he held her hand

B its of yummy swallowing down
U ttering “I completely understand”
R ight then and there she realized
G ood food was his mistress lover
‘E aven forbid ‘e don’t go ‘ungry!!
S illy me, please, ‘ave another!!
S tuart John Burgess, next time* YOU be the mother!

*next time? who are we kidding here? this does not act as any written guarantee of any such thing as a “next time”

Operation 365 Poem: day 31…Baby-Sitter


Who does that?
In the middle of the street
Abandons their baby
Leaves them in their stroller seat

Who leaves their baby
In the middle of New York City
Right in busy midtown
To fend for themselves completely

Who thinks that a teeny
Tiny little human
Can crawl out of their stroller
And ask for help from a doorman

Who walks away
In the middle of the night
Leaving a sleeping baby
To wake up alone with a fright

Luckily some women
Saw and called the police
And took in the little monkey
Before being attacked by some beast

In Starbucks they waited
To give their recounts as witness
They held him tight, gave him love
It was maternal meets business

He could not have been
More than 6 months old
Apparently with no blankets
So he was quite cold

Looking for an iPad
Is what I learned
Yes I was eavesdropping
How else would I have overheard!

Seriously, who does that?
Abandons their baby
To go looking for an iPad
A crazy person, yeah, maybe!!

Operation 365 Poem: day 30…Twinkle Butt

Twinkle Butt

Twinkle twinkle
Little butt
How I wonder
What is up

Up inside
Real high
Like is there a diamond
In the intestine

Twinkle twinkle
Little butt
How I wonder
What you got

Operation 365 Poem: day 29…M.O.N.E.Y.


Who’s got the gold?
Who holds the purse?
Why do I feel time accelerating?
Why does that make it worse?

I drift into space
To a far away land
Every time money comes up
Every time I see money in my hand

Why does it make the rules?
Why does it dictate?
Why can’t we all be equal?
Why is it used to differentiate?

I used to feel on top
Now I feel I’m down below
Deep in the tunnels
Where all the survivors go

Why does it happen to the good?
Why do people have to suffer?
Why does it encourage more hate?
Why isn’t there some sort of buffer?

If I won the lottery today
I could help ease many a problem
But I can guarantee
That it takes more than that to solve them

Operation 365 Poem: day 28…More?


I’m fine
Are you?
More wine
You too?

Lets go
Out or home?
I know, I know
Send me alone

Boo hoo
Change your mind?
Kisses to woo
On your behind

That’s not all
Wherever you want
Lets have a ball
A sexy scavenger hunt

Okay I’m done
Be on your way
It’s been fun
Lips sealed…for today!

Operation 365 Poem: day 27…Dirty Work

Dirty Work

Grab a chair
If you dare
Lets talk a little, yeah

I know the Mayor
He’s over there
Offering something rare

I can’t bare
But you may Clare
So head on to his lair

You’ve got the flare
Let down your hair
Take off your underwear

Smile, don’t stare
Say a prayer
Whatever, I don’t care

A love affair
They’ll pay a pair
For news like this to air

Operation 365 Poem: day 26…The Gig

The Gig

Say it loud

Play to the crowd

May they cry

Pray it’s no lie

Stay till the bow

Way out I plough

Pay slip in hand

Today has been grand