365

Operation 365 Poem: day 32…SJB: The Man of the Hour

SJB: The Man of the Hour

S tuart John Burgess
T he minecraft player
U nbelievably ate fish and chips
A s his wife was in agonizing labour
R est assured he was still timing
T he contractions with his phone

J ust as one was starting
O ver he rushed so she wasn’t alone
H owever his mouth was full
N ibbling away as he held her hand

B its of yummy swallowing down
U ttering “I completely understand”
R ight then and there she realized
G ood food was his mistress lover
‘E aven forbid ‘e don’t go ‘ungry!!
S illy me, please, ‘ave another!!
S tuart John Burgess, next time* YOU be the mother!

*next time? who are we kidding here? this does not act as any written guarantee of any such thing as a “next time”


Operation 365 Poem: day 31…Baby-Sitter

Baby-Sitter

Who does that?
In the middle of the street
Abandons their baby
Leaves them in their stroller seat

Who leaves their baby
In the middle of New York City
Right in busy midtown
To fend for themselves completely

Who thinks that a teeny
Tiny little human
Can crawl out of their stroller
And ask for help from a doorman

Who walks away
In the middle of the night
Leaving a sleeping baby
To wake up alone with a fright

Luckily some women
Saw and called the police
And took in the little monkey
Before being attacked by some beast

In Starbucks they waited
To give their recounts as witness
They held him tight, gave him love
It was maternal meets business

He could not have been
More than 6 months old
Apparently with no blankets
So he was quite cold

Looking for an iPad
Is what I learned
Yes I was eavesdropping
How else would I have overheard!

Seriously, who does that?
Abandons their baby
To go looking for an iPad
A crazy person, yeah, maybe!!


Operation 365 Poem: day 30…Twinkle Butt

Twinkle Butt

Twinkle twinkle
Little butt
How I wonder
What is up

Up inside
Real high
Like is there a diamond
In the intestine

Twinkle twinkle
Little butt
How I wonder
What you got


Operation 365 Poem: day 29…M.O.N.E.Y.

M.O.N.E.Y.

Who’s got the gold?
Who holds the purse?
Why do I feel time accelerating?
Why does that make it worse?

I drift into space
To a far away land
Every time money comes up
Every time I see money in my hand

Why does it make the rules?
Why does it dictate?
Why can’t we all be equal?
Why is it used to differentiate?

I used to feel on top
Now I feel I’m down below
Deep in the tunnels
Where all the survivors go

Why does it happen to the good?
Why do people have to suffer?
Why does it encourage more hate?
Why isn’t there some sort of buffer?

If I won the lottery today
I could help ease many a problem
But I can guarantee
That it takes more than that to solve them


Operation 365 Poem: day 28…More?

More?

I’m fine
Are you?
More wine
You too?

Lets go
Out or home?
I know, I know
Send me alone

Boo hoo
Change your mind?
Kisses to woo
On your behind

That’s not all
Wherever you want
Lets have a ball
A sexy scavenger hunt

Okay I’m done
Be on your way
It’s been fun
Lips sealed…for today!


Operation 365 Poem: day 27…Dirty Work

Dirty Work

Grab a chair
If you dare
Lets talk a little, yeah

I know the Mayor
He’s over there
Offering something rare

I can’t bare
But you may Clare
So head on to his lair

You’ve got the flare
Let down your hair
Take off your underwear

Smile, don’t stare
Say a prayer
Whatever, I don’t care

A love affair
They’ll pay a pair
For news like this to air


Operation 365 Poem: day 26…The Gig

The Gig

Say
It
Say it loud

Play
To
Play to the crowd

May
They
May they cry

Pray
It’s
Pray it’s no lie

Stay
Till
Stay till the bow

Way
Out
Way out I plough

Pay
Slip
Pay slip in hand

Today
Has
Today has been grand


Operation 365 Poem: day 25…Immunizations

Immunizations

So big
So brave
Needle time
Not his fav

Little pout
Little cry
Two short bursts
Then a smile

So good
So strong
In and out
Didn’t take long

Little prick
Little blood
Bandaid on
Let’s go bud

Clothes on
Time for food
You are one
Fearless dude!


Operation 365 Poem: day 24…Skype You. I Mean, Me.

Skype You. I Mean, Me.

Skype
What’s the hype?
I see that
You, Jane. Me, Fat.

Why?
Why do I?
Have to see
You. I mean, me.

Phone
Ice age. Or stone.
But I prefer that
I like to chit chat

Lie
I lied. Oh my.
I prefer texting
Or rather any form of messaging

Distance
An advantage for instance
To a quick type
To hours seeing you. I mean, me, on Skype

Next?
They’ll combine Skype with text
Wait, they already do?
Guess, I’ll be Skyp-exting me soon. I mean, you.


Operation 365 Poem: day 23…To Learn or Not to Learn

To Learn or Not to Learn

“Hello. Hi.”
As I raise my hand
Saying both and smiling
In case they don’t understand

“I’m new here”
As if they didn’t know
I’m surprised I didn’t go full out
And add the word “Yo”

What is my problem?
Why do I sound like a dork?
I need to stop them staring at me
I need to shove in a cork

“Nerves” I spit out with a half laugh
I need some kind of excuse
For bursting right in
And acting like a douche

One girl beckons me
To take the seat near her
And get out of the door probably
And stop causing such a stir

“Thank. You.” I say
Loudly, over pronounced, and quite slow
To which she responds
“I’m English too, you know”

I feel the blush take over
I turn my head away
Thank god the teacher arrives and starts
The lesson for the day

It wasn’t until mid way through
I started to blush again
I took a deep breath in
And packed up my paper and pen

I stood up as slow as I could
And creeped around like such an arse
Until I noticed the silence, so ran
Yelling, “Sorry. I’m in the wrong class!”