365

Virgin365: day three hundred and sixty-two…Forced Cemetery


365 ONE: day 225…Stress Rant

Day 225: August 20th, 2012 = COMPLETE!!!!!!

Cardio was = Walking

Dance of the Day was = “Brown Girl In The Ring” by Bonny M

Improvised Acting Video I uploaded to my other blog was = “Stress”

Anything to Note =

Not such a good day today.

Stressed.

Emotions running high – me and my mum – with me trying to save money and trying to figure out ways to not buy certain items twice, and then both of us getting sad when I mentioned that NYC really is our home base, which implied to my mum that that was home….when really I want it to be half and half….half of our time in USA and half of our time in Europe….and she thinks I’m being unrealistic. And you know I don’t know. It made us both sad. But home is where my family is, and I want to be closer and can I not make it work as I can legally work in both USA and UK, and wanted to be transatlantic as my goal anyway, before baby was in the picture….and apparently I don’t realize how hard it is going to be, but I believe there has to be a way to make it all work….and, I don’t want to be away from family – I’ve been away since I went to boarding school at 13 which is why I am here now. And my green card was to enable me to be able to work transatlantic with acting and be more flexible and it took my 12 years to get! But I can’t leave for more than 6 months or something at a time on that and we are buying an apartment in NYC now with all our money….and….my mum says I don’t understand how money weighs into the lifestyle I want and I know it’s going to be tough but want to be able to fly my parents out to NYC to be with us too if I can, and help out with their financial crisis situation. And I’m sure the emotions within me are high also because I’m tired and pregnant and scared and…

Wow.

That was a rant.

And that’s just a taste of it!!

I could have gone on and on with what is boiling inside of me.

We’re both stressed – me and my mum – with life around us that is not so great, outside of the baby world.

And I have to be strong to keep the rest of the family up.

And now I feel I let my guard down for a second and perhaps put a crack in the perfect distracting baby world where my mum could live in quite happily for now. So on top of it all I also now feel guilty. Because I do want to be here and America is what I associate with work, and she was just so quick to jump on the sad element to America and how far away it is, and how far away I have been since the year 2000! And now will have a little baby that will also be far away from her.

And that makes me really sad.

And I don’t know what to do really. How to rectify it. How to make it better. How to prove to her and me that I will find a way to be transatlantic – for real.

I have to.


365 ONE: day 217…Destination Baby

Day 217: August 12th, 2012 = COMPLETE!!!!!!

Cardio was = Walking

Dance of the Day was = “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” by Bette Midler

Improvised Acting Video I uploaded to my other blog was = “Baby Prep”

Anything to Note =

I just spent hours….HOURS….literally trying to go online to do my 365 upload while watching the closing ceremony of the Olympics…so am irritated. The stupid wireless router downstairs where I am staying is just not working…..ahhhhhhhh!!!

So I apologize for any weird tones in this upload as am annoyed!!!!!!

Anyway…

I arrived in London late last night. Much cooler here so hopefully it will stay like that – although when I went out to do my walking and some grocery shopping earlier it was quite warm….but of course cooler than Greece!

So this is it then.

The final haul.

The final leg on the journey.

No more flying, now it’s…nesting time.

I knew I had NYC to get through until I left for London with Stuart to see his family and friends. And then I knew I had London with Stuart to go through. And while in London I knew I still had Greece ahead to see my family. And then with the extension of the Greece trip that helped stall the idea of flying back to London.

And now, it’s back to London…to have the baby!!

What the????!!!!!

That freaks me out! Now that I am here. On that final leg of the journey.

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Ahhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Super overwhelming!!!!

I still don’t know what is going on, despite my super uncomfortable flight from Athens to London last night – the little schmonkie was moving around a lot and I had a lot of pressure, and then nausea….not so great.

This little schmonkie is moving around a lot in general. A LOT!!!

Yeah, still in denial….but I do know that instead of going to bed last night after I arrived I went into work mode and wanted to unpack everything, and put all baby things away into the baby chest of drawers that I had left in the flat after I arrived from NYC, and set up things, and build the foldable stroller my mum had bought us, and read all the stroller instructions, and open the Moses basket and put the changing mat on top of the drawers, and put away all the clothes after folding them all and sorting them by size, and the baby bath tub, and the baby bath products, and the baby blankets, and the…..and the…..and…..

I was up until 4am doing all this!! Amid fighting tears and emotions that kept arising, then back to denial to push on and get it all done.

I eventually had to stop as my back was seizing.

I did too much as I am feeling the pain today in my feet, legs and back. I just had to do all I could for some reason…I get like that.

Maybe to get it out of the way in one go and not be overwhelmed multiple days, although I am overwhelmed every day, so hmmmmmm….

Okay, must post this before something with this Internet fails and I lose it!!


365 ONE: day 172…Comic or Book or MOOOOOVIE!!

Day 172: June 28th, 2012 = COMPLETE!!!!!

Cardio was = Walking

Dance of the Day was = “Paperback Writer” by The Beatles

Improvised Acting Video I uploaded to my other blog was = “RockStar Glasses”

Anything to Note =

I saw a guy actively laugh, seriously laugh, you know like one of those loud belly laughs, to a comic he was reading on the subway today.

I guess because I’m not a reader that I don’t understand that. I mean, I don’t read so I’ve never had an emotional experience with a book – which is sad, I know – but I’m a why-read-the-book-when-you-can-watch-the-movie girl 🙂 Hey, I’m never disappointed in the movie version! HAHA!!

Really the only books I’ve read have been for school like psychology novels that I had to study and analyze and write papers about, or any books for my theatre training  – I mean with plays that’s different – I’ve had some emotions creep in – but still not to the extent everyone talks about or I see on the subway. I’ve literally seen people cry from reading, out in public, and that is just something foreign to me.

Now comics are just a whole other world! I never got into them or really actually ever read one – so I don’t understand having a reaction to one of those – I mean I can’t understand it with a book so not sure how I would understand it with a comic! I don’t think I’ll ever get it.

Anyone want to prove me wrong??

Who wants to give me a book??

Who wants to give me a comic??